Monthly Archives: January 2014

Radio XXXI, side A, track 5: “Your Mama Don’t Dance” by Poison

Poison - Your Mama Don't DanceOh, Poison, there comes a point in a teenage boy’s life where, if he’s lucky, he has a girlfriend, and he’s got a car, and just like in this song, he gets to hop into the back seat where it’s always nice and dark.  I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I will tell you that after some very awkward years (like around the time I was recording all this music off the radio), I got some contact lenses, I had someone other than my mom cut my hair, and I got my driver’s license.  It was just enough of a change to get a few girls to think I was kissable.

By the time I was in high school, there were no local drive-ins anymore, so that particular avenue was closed to me and my lady friends.  But if there’s one advantage to living in the middle of nowhere, it’s that there are a LOT of places to park your car in the middle of the night to canoodle with no worries about any local police showing up.

I’m sure you remember what it was like, Poison, being young, dumb, and full of. . .hormones.  Actually, you’re probably still like that, what am I talking about?  But once I discovered the joys of making out with a girl for hours at a time, whenever I was driving, I was on high alert.  The military could have used me as a scout, I was so good.  My eyes were always peeled for an abandoned farmhouse or a secluded grove of trees or what we referred to as a “dead road” (which is a creepy-cool name but really just means a pair of well-worn tire tracks between two fields).  I’ve never been known for my initiative, Poison, but when it came to finding places where I could maybe take a girl’s shirt off without being interrupted, I was highly motivated.

And I was pretty damn good at finding places, if I do say so myself.  The best spot I ever found happened while I was helping a neighbor bale hay the summer before my senior year of high school.  After the first hay rack was full, we drove a few miles down the road to an old farmhouse and a barn to unload.  It looked very quiet.  I casually asked a couple questions about who lived there and was delighted to learn that the place was only used to store hay, which one typically does not need to check on in the middle of the night.  My girlfriend and I spent many a night there, sometimes in the car, sometimes just lying on a blanket and looking up at the stars (another benefit of living in the middle of nowhere, no light pollution, and the night sky is gorgeous).

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking back to all the slasher movies I’ve watched throughout the years where I would snort derisively every time some horny teenagers would go traipsing around some abandoned cabin or warehouse or what-have-you to get their swerve on, and I clearly was using some highly selective memory, Poison, because I was one of those horny teenagers and I did go traipsing around abandoned buildings to get my swerve on (am I even using that phrase correctly, Poison?).  And even though I got plenty of warning from folks like Alice Cooper, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had some heavy petting sessions where there may have actually been some scary-type squatters abiding, speaking on behalf of my teenage self, if I had ended up like one of those other saps in one of those slasher flicks, totally worth it.

“Your Mama Don’t Dance”

<awesome Poison jam>

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

But when evenin’ rolls around and it’s time ta hit the town, where ya go
Ya gotta rock it!

The old folks say that ya gotta end ya date by 10
Mm-mm

But if you’re out on a date doncha bring her home late ’cause it’s a sin

Ya know there’s no excuse, ya know yer gonna lose, ya never win

I say it again
(And it’s all because) Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

When evenin’ rolls around and it’s time ta hit the town, where ya go
Ya gotta rock it, rock it!

<awesome Poison jam>

See, I pulled into a drive-in and I found a place ta park
We hopped into the back seat where it’s always nice and dark
Just about ta move, thinkin’”Hmm, Bret, this is a breeze” then there was a light in my eye and a guy says “Outta the car, longhair!” Oo-wee

Yer comin’ with me

Said the local police

(And it’s all because) Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

But when evenin’ rolls around and it’s time ta hit the town, where ya go

Ah, play me a little, C.C.!

<awesome Poison jam>

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll (Mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll)

Ya just stay cool and ya ain’t about ta stop

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock

Y’mama don’t dance, no

She just don’t dance, no

Y’mama don’t dance and y’daddy don’t rock an’ roll

 

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