Daily Archives: July 21, 2014

Radio XXXIXL, side A, track 2: “I’m That Type Of Guy” by LL Cool J

LL Cool J - I'm That Type of guyOh, LL Cool J, you can call me I L Cool J, because I friggin’ love you, dude.  It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to any of your music, and it’s not like I watch “NCIS: Los Angeles” or. . .were you in “Mind Hunters”?  Point is, even though I haven’t really kept up with your career so much, your amazing coolness has been hardwired into my system, almost completely because of this song.

This was the first song I’d ever heard by you, LL Cool J.  And it blew my mind.  In a radio landscape where songs were about falling in love or falling out of love or cheating on someone or being cheated on, most of it was still couched in poetic lyrics and high-minded idealism about the nature of love.  But not you, LL Cool J.  You had no time for such sentiments.  You wanted to get laid, you knew you could get laid, and you set about getting yourself laid.  All the time, apparently.

There are some rappers and singers and entertainers, like let’s say Tone Loc, who brag about their exploits, and while you appreciate their storytelling abilities, you don’t necessarily believe that the ladies are constantly on their jock as they claim.  But as soon as I heard this song, I knew all of what you rapped was true, LL Cool J.  You have more testosterone in your pinky finger than I have in my whole body.  I’m not ashamed to admit when a man is manlier than I, and I absolutely bow down to your manliness.

I’ve forgotten how amazing this song is.  As much as I’m all about treating women with respect, it’s hard not to join in your unabashed heterosexuality, LL Cool J.  And I mean unabashed.  There are so many euphemisms in this song, it’s amazing.  “Bitin’ my chunk”?  “The puddin’ is delicious”?  At one point in this song, the word “screwed” gets edited out when you rap “But when I screwed her”, and yet the censors were perfectly fine with “I’m doin’ ya girlfriend” and “I’m the type’a guy ta eat it when he won’t”?  Oh my god, I really love typing those phrases out way too much.  But really, LL Cool J, how the hell did this get played on the radio?

The answer is, “Who cares?”  The important thing is that it did and that it’s amazing.  You’re so comfortable in your masculinity that instead of sampling some super-guy rock song or something, you’ve got your crew doing the Winkie chant from “The Wizard Of Oz”.  And it works perfectly.

I know that I have at least one more LL Cool J song to celebrate from my tapes, LL Cool J, a song that was even more outrageously mantastic than this one, as hard as that is to believe.  But for now, I’m just going to sit back, listen to this song again, and hope that I can capture some of that 25-year-old mojo.  And I’ll let you get back to defrosting and seasoning it (“Defrost it and season it”?!?!?  You are amazing!).

I love you, LL Cool J.

“I’m That Type Of Guy”

You’re the type’a guy
That can’t control ya girl

Ya try ta buy her love

With diamonds an’ pearls

I’m the type’a guy
That shows up on the scene
And gets the seven digits
You know the routine

You’re the type’a guy
That tells her, “Stay inside”

While ya steady frontin’
In ya homeboy’s ride

I’m the type’a guy
That comes when ya leave
<awesome LL Cool J chuckle>
I’m doin’ ya girlfriend
That’s somethin’ you can’t believe
‘Cause
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)

You’re the type’a guy
That gets suspiciousss

I’m the type’a guy
That says, “The puddin’ is delicious”

You’re the type’a guy
That has
No idea
That a sneaky, freaky brother’s sneakin’ in from the rear

I’m the type’a guy
Ta eat it when he won’t
And look in the places
Thatcha
Boyfriend don’t

You’re the type’a guy ta try ta call me a punk
Not knowin’ thatcha maain girl’s bitin’ my chunk <awesome LL Cool J chuckle>

I’m the type’a guy that loves a dedicated lady
Their boyfriends are boring
And I can drive ’em crazy
You’re the type’a guy
Ta give her money ta shop
<awesome LL Cool J chuckle> She gave me a sweater <awesome LL Cool J kissing sound>
Thank you, sweetheart

I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)

<awesome LL Cool J jam>

(Oh we oh)

(Oh we oh)
(Ohh oh)

T-y-p-e g-u-y, I’m that type
Of guy
Ta give ya a pound
And wink my eye

Like a bandit
Caught me red-handed
Took her for granted

But when I screwed her
Ya couldn’t understand it
‘Cause you’re the type’a guy
That don’t know the time
Swearin’ up and down
“That girl’s all mine”

I’m the type’a guy ta letcha keep believin’ it

Go ‘head ta work
While I defrost it and season it

I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
Know what I mean
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
I’m that type’a guy (Oh we oh)
(Ohhh oh)
So ridiculous

Yeah

Ah ha
Ah ha

Yeah

I like just
 
Goin’ to ya front door ringin’ bells and just like
<awesome LL Cool J chuckle>
Leave

Yeah

<awesome LL Cool J maniacal laughter>

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: