Oh, KISD FM, I didn’t know it at the time, but this was my introduction to the silly bullshittery of the corporate world. You may remember, I was pretty excited about this whole “countdown to The Heat” I’d been hearing promos for. It had been a couple of weeks since then, and now The Heat was upon us. I should be pretty stoked, right? Well, you would think so, but nothing had really changed except that now the DJs talked about “The Heat” all the damn time. Plus they renamed a bunch of stuff, even though it was all the same stuff. Molson was still a douche, but now he had a “Dog Pound” or something? And Vic St. John was no longer “The Crashman”. Now he was “The Amazing Night Guy”. What the hell, KISD FM?
Based on my experience, one of two things happened: One, KISD FM got bought out by a different company and some douchey guy who went to business school had to mark his territory. Two, some other douchey guy who went to business school got promoted to be in charge of KISD FM, and to make himself look relevant, he had to mark his territory. Either way, all the folks who were doing the real work had to say “The Heat” a thousand times an hour or they’d get their pay docked.
At the time, I didn’t have any such insights, KISD FM, as I knew nothing about the workaday world. I only knew how to feed cows, lift bales of hay, and pick weeds and rocks out of a field. I honestly couldn’t fathom what an office job might look like or that I would ever be an office drone like I saw in so many movies.
I’m pretty lucky, KISD FM. I do have an office job, and I’m probably a little office drone-ish, but I can still clearly explain what my job is and people understand it. And yes, there is some silly corporate bullshittery that I have to wade through from time to time, but having heard stories from folks in other office environments, I’ve got it pretty cush. And I’ve had to work for some companies that were chock-full of bullshittery, with random mandates handed down by jackasses so far removed from the reality of the job that they may as well have been working for a different company. Such as when I used to work for a video store, in which we were commanded to answer each and every phone call thus: “Thank you for calling Video Update, where you can pre-order a copy of ‘A Bug’s Life’ for $3.00, available to own on August 6. How can I help you today?” And “managers” and “directors” would call several times a day to make sure you were doing just that. It was pretty ridiculous and a bit demeaning and every customer who called the store thought I was an idiot. And who could blame them?
Anyway, KISD FM, you know I absolutely love you, but this whole “The Heat” stuff is really gonna put a strain on our relationship.