Oh, John Cougar Mellencamp, we could spend all day talking about how great this song is, but we’ve got more pressing matters here. You dropped the “Cougar” and just go by “John Mellencamp” now? The hell, man?!?!?! Your middle name is COUGAR! You don’t not include that in your name. I think there’s a law somewhere that says that if your middle name is also a large predatory cat, you have to include that when you give somebody your name. And if there’s not, there ought to be. We’ve got an election coming up, John Cougar Mellencamp, and if one of the candidates ran on a platform of making you put Cougar back into your name, I’m voting for him, regardless of party affiliation.
A friend of mine from college also has the middle name of Cougar, John Cougar Mellencamp. And you know what? He goes by Cougar as his FIRST name now. That’s right. Because he’s bad-ass. And he’s not even an amazing rock star like you. Listen, John Cougar Mellencamp, if my middle name was Panther or Tiger or Lynx or even Ocelot, when I introduced myself to people, I would make sure they knew what my middle name was. It would be on my business cards. It would be my email handle. This blog would be called Mixed Tape Cougar Masterpiece.
If I went back in time and told my younger self, “I hate to tell you this, but John Cougar Mellencamp dropped the Cougar from his name and just goes by John Mellencamp now,” my younger self would punch me in the face and tell me that he didn’t want to live in a future where John Cougar Mellencamp called himself John Mellencamp. He’d fall into a deep depression and start drinking, move on to hard drugs, and end up dead in a gutter in Thailand and/or Crete, his last word being “Cougaaarrr. . .” As the future version of that tragic boy, I think I can safely say that we don’t want that to happen, John COUGAR Mellencamp. Do the right thing.
“R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A. (A Salute To ’60’s Rock)”
Come from the cities and they come from the smaller towns
In beat-up cars with guitars and drummers goin’ crack boom bam
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., yeah, yeah!
Rockin’ in the U.S.A.
Well, they said goodbye to the families, said goodbye to the friends
With their pipe dreams in their heads and very little money in their hands
Some are black and some are white
And they ain’t too proud to sleep on your floor tonight
With the blind faith of Jesus you know that they just might
Rockin’ in the U.S.A.
Hey!
<awesome John Cougar Mellencamp jam>
Voices from nowhere and voices from the larger towns
Filled our head full’a dreams and turned our world upside down
There was Frankie Lymon, Bobby Fuller, Mitch Ryder
(They were rockin’)
Jackie Wilson, Shangri-Las, Young Rascals
(They were rockin’)
Spotlight on Martha Reeves, let’s don’t forget James Brown
Rockin’ in the U.S.A.
Hey!
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.
Mixed Tape Masterpiece 