Oh, Rocky Horror Picture Show, ours has been a complicated relationship. This song was my first introduction to your world, as well as a joke about Tim Curry being a cross-dresser in an issue of MAD Magazine, but I really didn’t know anything about you, no, not at all. It was my freshman year of college when some of my female friends first talked about their obsession with you, and I danced to this particular tune in their dorm room and it was all fun and games as well as a weird moment with a friend of a friend where it seemed like making out was about to happen but then it didn’t. Ahh, college.
It would be the following year, Rocky Horror Picture Show, that I came to despise you. It was then that one of the female friends I mentioned began to date me, and she had gone to see you many a time, had been on stage, had thrown toast at the screen, and other things I didn’t understand. We were at a homecoming at Iowa State University, and I’d been drinking pretty much nonstop the whole weekend. I had some drinking issues, Rocky Horror Picture Show. But that night, we went to the midnight screening of you, Rocky Horror Picture Show, in what I think was a church basement, and there I was, standing in line, more than a little tipsy, wearing my black leather baseball cap (classy) and a denim shirt (yum!) and as we were entering, the ticket-taker asked me a trivia question from the movie. I looked around wildly for my girlfriend, but she just laughed at me, and a large V was drawn on my forehead in black magic marker (V for virgin, I would later learn), and I was carted off away from my friends and led to a small group of similar virgins, all shuffling around looking scared and confused.
A large man in a beard and glasses wearing a very tight black corset and a pink feather boa and lipstick walked onto the stage, and one by one we were led up to the stage where we were auctioned off to the hungering crowd. I was bought for a “pink whip of passion”, whatever that is, and I had to sit by a man in a dress and watch the movie as everyone around me laughed and shouted at the screen and I drunkenly wondered what the hell was happening. Needless to say, while I respect your place in cult movie history and your catchy lyrics and the mad genius of Tim Curry and the rest of the cast, we are not friends, Rocky Horror Picture Show.
“The Time Warp”
It’s astounding
Time is
Fleeting
Madness
Takes its toll
But listen closely
Not for very much longer
I’ve got to
Keep control
I remember
Doin’ the Time Warp
Drinking
Those moments when
The blackness would hit me
And the void would be calling
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
It’s just a jump to the left
And then a step to the riiiiight
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tiiight
But it’s the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insaaaane
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
It’s so dreamy
Oh, fantasy free me
So you can’t see me
No, not at all
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intention
Well-secluded
I see all
With a bit of a mind flip
You’re into the time slip
And nothing
Can ever be the same
You’re spaced out on sensation
Like you’re under sedaaation
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Well, I was walkin’ down the street just a-havin’ a think when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and the devil’s eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothin’, never would again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
It’s just a jump to the left
And then a step to the riiight
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tiiight
But it’s the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insaaaaane
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Mixed Tape Masterpiece 