Oh, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, thanks for making rap accessible to sheltered white kids like me. If your parents heard you listening to a little of the DJ Jazzy and Fresh Prince, there wasn’t too much to worry about. The worst you ever said was “hell”, and we said that in church all the time (would be my argument), so you were pretty safe. And I’ve gotta say, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, I know I’m the whitest of the white, but damn I miss those old school lyrics. I mean, you spent a LOT of time rapping about the exact conversations you had, along with your grooming habits and specific dates and times. And it all rhymed! And I know that you guys were trying to warn me off girls, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, but I think we can all agree that Sheila sounded pretty hot, and was probably worth getting one’s butt torn limb from limb (clearly, Sheila’s boyfriend wasn’t real up on his anatomy). Although Exotic Elaine, yeah, I get where you’re coming from, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. Although I will say, considering the light-hearted nature of this particular tune, I don’t know that including false accusations of rape along with police brutality is exactly setting the right tone, but hey, what do I know?
“Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble”
Listen, homeboys, don’t mean ta bust your bubble
But girls of the world ain’t nothin’ but trouble
So next time a girl gives you the play just remember my rhyme and get the hell away
Just last week when I was walkin’ down the street I observed this lovely lady that I
Wanted ta meet
I walked up to her
I said hello
She said “Hey, you’re kind’a cute, I said “Yes, I know, but
By the way, sweetheart, what’s your name?”, she said “My friends like ta call me
Exotic Elaine”, I said “My name is the Prince”
She said why
I said “Well, I don’t know, I’m just a helluva guy.”
I took her over town
I wined her and dined her, she ask me did I like her, I said “Well, kinda”
All of a sudden
She jumped out her seat, snatched me up by my wrist and took me out in the street
She started grabbin’ all over me
Kissin’ and huggin’, so I shoved her away, I said “You better stop buggin'”
She got mad, looked me dead in my face, threw her hands in the air and yelled out
(Rape!)
I got scared when she started ta yell so I handed her my wallet and ran like hell
I was duckin’ through alleys right and left, but when the cops caught up they almost beat me ta death
I was arrested, charged with aggravated assault
(Yo, Clancy, we got’im)
But it wasn’t my fault
Well, nevertheless, don’t mean ta bust your bubble
But girls of the world ain’t nothin’ but trouble, trouble, trouble
So next time a girl gives you the play just remember my rhymes and get the hell away
I was in a bar one Friday night
Coolin’, watchin’ a Mike Tyson fight
I was maxin’ and relaxin’, sippin’ on tequila, when this girl walked up, she said “Hi, my name is Sheila”
I responded by saying hello
She paid for my drink and then said “Let’s go”
Twenty minutes later things were startin’ ta cook as we pulled up into her house I said “I’m with you, Toots”
I felt that it was time for me to make my move, I thought I better hurry up before I busted a groove
I leaned down ta kiss her but then out of the blue a door slammed and a voice said “Baby, where are you?!?!”
Her boyfriend busted in, he grinned an evil grin and said “Boy, I’m’a tear your butt limb from limb!”
I was scared as hell, where I was supposed ta go, I just yelled “Geronimo” and jumped out the window
Just my luck we were in a snowstorm and all I had was my underwear on to keep my warm and ta top the night off had ta break in my place ’cause my keys were in my pants back on Sheila’s bookcase
I was done
Sneezin’ and coughin’, ahchoo!
I hope this doesn’t happen too often, but nevertheless, don’t mean ta bust your bubble
But girls of the world ain’t nothin’ but trouble, trouble, trouble
So next time a girl gives you the play
Just remember my rhymes and get the hell away
Jazzy: Yo, man, you think they see your point
Prince: I don’t know, man, I-I don’t think they really do
Jazzy: I think you should give ’em another example
Prince: Awright, give me a scratch, let’s make it funky right here
I got a ring on my phone May 5th last year
It was my girlfriend Betty, I said “Hello, dear
I was just about ta call you
I got a couple tickets to the Run DMC concert
(I’m wit it)
It’s six o’clock now, at eight will you be ready
(Yeah)
A’ight, fine, see ya then, Betty”
I combed my hair, washed, and brushed my teeth
Got funky fresh dressed in my Le Coq Sportif, got ta Betty’s at eight
I was ready ta jet, until Betty’s mom said
“Betty’s not ready yet”
I sat there for at least an hour, it was ten after nine before she got in the shower
9:35
She comes downstairs and said “I need a little longer ta finish my hair”
At ten o’clock we had then missed the show
She comes downstairs and says “Let’s go”
Go where, go ta sleep, I’m gone, I was steamin’ like a demon as I drove home but it just goes ta show, not tryin’ ta bust your bubble
But girls of the world ain’t nothin’ but trouble, trouble, trouble
So next time a girl gives you the play
Just remember my rhyme, just remember my rhyme
Take heed to my rhyme and get the hell away
Jazzy: Man, first your parents just don’t understand
Prince: I know, word, man
Jazzy: And then you havin’ these crazy nightmares
Prince: I know, why me, why me
Jazzy: What’s next?
Prince: Now these girls, man, well, ya know how it is, can’t live wit ’em, can’t live wit’out ’em.
Mixed Tape Masterpiece 