Oh, Van Halen, I initially thought the name of this one was “Bad Enough”, which I thought was a pretty cool title and summed you guys up pretty well. You guys WERE bad, in the good bad way, the bad way Michael Jackson was singing about. But like a lot of songs I taped off the radio, I heard it wrong, and what I thought was a song about how awesome you guys were, it’s instead about maybe having sex with a car? Or maybe it’s a metaphor for having sex and the car is the metaphor? I’m not sure. I loved my Plymouth Volare station wagon and still mourn my loss when she finally gave up the ghost, but I’ve never been much of a car person other than making sure it gets good gas mileage and gets me from one point to another reliably. But ever since I heard “I’m In Love With My Car” by Queen on a 45 as a kid, I realized that there was a group of people who really enjoyed their vehicles. Like REALLY enjoyed their vehicles.
I appreciate a cool-looking car, and I’m envious of people who can tell the difference between a carburetor and a muffler and know what they are and where they go, but it’s just not my cup of tea, Van Halen. And it’s too bad, too, because I think ladies respect a guy who knows a little bit about engines quite a bit more than a guy who knows a lot about elves.
“Panama”
Oh yeah!
Ah ha!
Jump back
What’s that sound?
Here she comes
Full blast and top down
Hot shoe
Burnin’ down the avenue
Model citizen
Zero discipline
Doncha know she’s comin’ home with me
You’ll lose her in that turn
I’ll get her
Panama
Panama-ah
Panama
Panama-ah
Ain’t nothin’ like it, shiny machine
Got the feel for the wheel, keep the movin’ parts clean
Hot shoe
Burnin’ down the avenue
Got an on-ramp comin’ through my bedroom
Doncha you know she’s comin’ home with me
You’ll lose her in that turn
I’ll get her
Uh-oh!
Panama
Panama-ah
Ow!
Panama
Panama-ah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Woo!
<awesome Van Halen jam>
Yeah, we’re runnin’ a little bit hot tonight
I can barely see the road from the heat comin’ off of us
Reach down
Between my legs and
Ease the seat back
She’s runnin’
I’m flyin’
Right behind in rearview mirror now
Got the fearin’
Power steerin’
Pistons poppin’, ain’t no stoppin’ now
Panama
Panama-ah
Panama
Panama-ah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Panama
Panama-ah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Panama
Mixed Tape Masterpiece 