Radio 80, side B, track 7: “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty

Oh, Tom Petty, this was one of the very first songs I ever recorded by you.  And I love both the sound and the sentiment.  But regarding the latter, I’m afraid I do back down.  I’d like to tell you I’ve got a backbone, Tom Petty, but I think this year’s put things in perspective for me, that perspective being that I’m a bit of a coward.  I’ve talked before about my anxiety, which has been the worst it’s ever been since college.  Most of it stems from work, where I used to not back down.  But I’ve been told that if I don’t back down, I won’t have a job.  So I’ve backed down.  Like way back.  Now whenever I’m not in my office, I feel like a mouse scuttling along a baseboard trying to get to where I’m going before I’m pounced on.

It’s a sucky thing to be diagnosed as a coward.  Like, that’s not the clinical term, Tom Petty, but having the anxiety that I do, it means I’m constantly in the “flight” portion of “fight or flight”.  Just thinking about my anxiety is giving me more anxiety.  I’m literally scared of myself, Tom Petty.  Which kind of makes it sound like maybe I’m this bad-ass who doesn’t know what I’m going to do next, but no, that’s not it.  I know exactly what I’m going to do.  I’m going to back down.  It’s all a bit humiliating, but you and the rest of my beloved radio stars help get me through the day.  There definitely ain’t no easy way out, Tom Petty, but I appreciate you being there for me while I’m trying to find it.

lyrics to “I Won’t Back Down”